🗣️#15: the art of knowing when to yap

or deciding you don't care if it's the right time bc you just want to and it's art duh

🍒#14: regular cherry is sorry for getting too wild

it...should...have asked permission? i guess?

🤕#13: can't spell "pain & suffering" without "AI"

🥐and unless you're speaking french, "pain" is kind of a bad thing

bonus rant #4: the new padded room of the internet

it feels obvious that "people who answer a question with a question even when they already know the answer" is like, one of the most ANNOYING groups of people

🔍#12: search party inside

that means TWO things

June 2026 Featured Maximizer of Shareholder Value: Sabrina Brengel

🤧#11 summer bug, havin' a blast

summer cold, happened so fast

✋#10: ya basic, but not in the human decency way

this issue is gonna go so hard for people who are fans of the good place

👵#9: wait, what kind of grandma?

there are too many new phrases that have never been said before

😶‍🌫️#8: i can't be held responsible for blaming others for my actions

after all, isn't it their fault that they also existed and were able to be blamed by me? checkmate.

🥗#7: some guys just want to eat salad while the world burns

as always, the online discourse surrounding a major event is totally normal and reasonable, promise

bonus rant #3: for people who hate drag culture, these guys sure talk a lot about ballroom

to be honest, i've seen the word written so many times that it's lost all meaning except for in Paris is Burning

April 2026 Featured Maximizer of Shareholder Value: Natalie Hoop

🫢#6 "seek therapy" but oh god not like that

maybe we should all know less about each other

bonus rant #2: regarding therapists, buttholes, and knowing too much about each other

should a professional license come with a healthy understanding of shame or, at the very least, responsibility?

🧠#5 how to know everything so you're better than everyone else

even if it's not possible and obviously bad for your health to try

🤪#4 this email could have been a nervous breakdown

we could still make it a meeting, if you want.

🤖#3: just once i want a coordinated *thot* attack

all the bots hate your famous bestie

🥵#2: i've had spicier armpits than some of these takes

what if we fell in love at the 4 minute mark on the TikTok video

bonus rant #1: we've "Jurassic Park"ed the business world

Building a world of work that actually *works* for everyone is an uphill battle in this day and age.

🤼#1: cage matches with junk food

this reboot of "dances with wolves" is awful omg

🎤👋👀 *taps microphone* so...uh...is this thing on?

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